Funny Jokes

>Umair opens his lunch box in the middle of the road....why ? >Just to confirm whether he is going to or coming back from the office

>A woman had 8 sons all named Kevin. On asking how she managed to call one in particular >She replied: That's easy. I call them by their fathername !

>Aik admi apni biwi ko dafna kay ghar ja raha tha kay achanak bijli chamki, badal garje, jor se baarish shuru hui> dukhi aadmi bola: >Lagta hai pahunch gai

>Saqib enters kitchen and opens the sugar box. Sees inside and closes it. >Wife observes the whole episode >Again he comes and does the same stuff. Wife asks Why are you doing this? >Saqib replies: Doctor told to check sugar level regularly

>What is the full form of singh: S-sardar I-insaan N-nahi G-gadha H-hai.

>Umer on cycle hit lady accidentally, lady says," break nahi mar sakta tha kya? >Umer replies "break ka kya hai, poori cycle to mar di....."

>Kundan, zebra crossing ke black & white patte par bar bar idhar-udhar chalta tha, woh kya soch raha hoga....think............. ??>"SALA YE PIANO BAJTA KiYON NAHI"

>Rizwan: Doctor say help me, mein jab baat karta huun to muje sirf awaaz sunai deti hai, aadmi nahi dikhta. >Dr: Aaisa kab hota hai? >Rizwan: Phone karte waqt.

*~*~*Germs! *~*~*> Teacher: What r the people of Turkey called?> Student: I don't know.> Teacher: They r called Turks, now What r the people of Germany called?> Student: They r called Germs.

Never Mess with Childeren > A class teacher of primary,one day braught a camera along with her to have some group photos of the childeren.One student asked "Mam why did you braught that camera?"the teacher exclaimed "to have our some group photos,so that,and when you people grown up these photos will make you to recall your childhood,and you will show it to your friends or relatives that see this is Martin he is now a Lawer and this is Rick he is a doctor now and this is Maria and she is a Journalist now",certainly a voice came forward from the back and "this is our class teacher she is dead now."

> A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"> After a few seconds, little Santa Singh stood up. > The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Santa?" > "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

> An English teacher at Iowa State University spent a lot of time marking grammatical errors in her students' written work. She wasn't sure how much impact she was having until one overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples. > A student asked, "What's the matter, Mrs. Sheridan?" > "Tense," she replied, describing her emotional state. > After a slight pause the student tried again, "What was the matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the matter... ?

> Two fast friends, Santa Singh and Banta Singh, were great cricket fanatics. They decided that whoever dies first will try to come back in the dreams of the other, and tell the other about the cricket scenario in the heaven. Santa Singh dies first. One day as Banta was fast sleep, he heard Santa calling him. He was very happy and was eager to know about cricket there. "So, Santa! How is cricket in heaven?" Santa replied, "Hey Banta, I have good news and bad news. The good news is that tomorrow we are going to have a day & night tournament here in heaven. And the bad news is that you are the opening bowler for tomorrow's match!"

> Jimmy's English teacher was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Jimmy handed in a poor paper. > "This is the worst essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the teacher. "It has too many mistakes. I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes." > "One person didn't," replied Little Jimmy defensively. "My father helped me."

> The chemistry teacher was berating the students for not learning the > > Periodic Table of the Elements.> She said "Why when I was your age I knew both their names and weights."> One kid popped up, "Yeah... but teach, there were so few of them back then."= = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = = => One student couldn't be motivated to take an interest in science at all. > He said, "I plan to go into the business. > Name me one thing science has done to help business."> The teacher shot back, "And just where would the belt industry be without the law of gravity."

> Ali Was Preparing For His English Paper He Only Prepared One Essay i.e MY FRIEND > I have four friends but i like one very much. He comes to my house and plays with me. My mom also likes him very much. A Friend Inneed > Is A Friend Indeed. > but when he saw the paper the first question was WRITE AN ESSAY > ON " MY FATHER" .. his friend told him just replace the words friend with father and write every thing as it is> SO HE WROTE :- > I have four father but i like one very much. He comes to my house and plays with me. My mom also likes him very much. A Father Inneed Is A Father Indeed.

*~*~*Hotel Ka Khana*~*~*> Customer : Bhai kab se wait ker raha hoon khana abhi tak tayyar nahi howa?> Hotel Wala : Sir kahana tu 3 din pehlay se tayyar hai bas gharam ho raha hai.

> Yeh Konsi Bari Baat Hai ? > 3 choro saath mein bethay hotay hain...> 1st one" yaar main itni garam chaye(tea) peeta hoon k jaisay hee ketlee say cup say nikalti hai mein peejata hoon" > 2nd one" yeh konsi bari baat hai mein to ketlee mein he tyaar ker k ketlee mein hee peejata hoon "> 3rd one" uhh.. yeh konsi bari baat hai main to moon(mouth) mein doodh, patee aur cheenee(sugar) daltaa hoon aur choolhay(gas burner) per beth jaata hoon..."

> Ek admi kay pass two parrots hotay hain.ek parrot ahr waqt sajday main rahta hai aur dosera parrot tasbi patrta rahta hai.iss admi kay hamsay kay pass ek female parrot hoti hai JO BOHAT HI SHARARTI HOTI HAI.har waqt kisi ko tang karti rahti hai.Female parrot wala admi apnay hamsay say kahta hai kah aap mera parrot apnay parrots kay pass rakh lain taikah woh bhi aap kay parrots ki tarah sharif ho ay .Woh kahta hai kah theak hai.lehaza male parrots wala admi female parrot ko apnay ghar lay ata hai .woh female parrot ko male parrot kay cage main rakh deta hai.jaisay hi male parrots female parrot ko dekhta hai jo tasbih parta rahta hai woh apni tasbi door phank kar sajday paray huay parrot say kahta hai uth yaar apni dua qabool hoo gai hai.

> Ek lardke ne uske pappa se pucha: Pappa aap kahan paida hua the?> Pappa: Main Banglore main paida hua tha.> Phir lardke ne pacha pappa se: Mummy kahan paida hui theen? > Pappa ne jawab diya: Woh Hyderabad mein hui theen.> Phir se lardke ne pucha: Main kahan paida hua tha???> Pappa: Tum baita Delhi main paida hua the.> Phir bache ne pocha (masoomiyat se): Phir hum mile kaise???

> Aek admee langrata hua ata hai usey dekh kar dou docotr apas main jhagrte hain , aik kehta hai ke uski haddee toot gayi hai doosra bolta hai ke nahi us ka angootha nikal gaya h ai dono mein kafi behs horahi hoti hai to teesra doctor bolta hai chalo us se hi poch lete hain usey poooch tay hain tou woh bolta hai nahi, meri tou chappal toot gayi hai

> Do dost film dekhnay gaye rastay main pan ki dukan se paan khareed liya , aur aagey peeche beth gaye, beech film main aagey bethay dost nai mushkil main kaha yaar peek jama hogayi hai kia karoo peechey walai ne kaha yaar aglay ki jaib main dalday tou usne kaha n ahi is tarah touu s ko pata chal jaye ga tou peechay walai ne kaha abhi tak tujh ko pata chala ?

> Mother:Beta dhoop main khade kiya kar rahe ho> Son:Ammi paseena sukha raha hooon

> Mere dua hain ke tum bhot age barhO> Jahan bhi tum jaow loog tumhain bolE > Chal be chal age nekaL

> Sitam dhane ke bhi had hote haipass na ane ke bhi had hote hairoth jane ke bhi had hote hainek sms tu kardeya karo pase bachane ke bhi had hote hain

> Dil main basa hain pyaar tera aankhoon main base hain tasweer terejab bhi aate hain yaad tere main dekhte hoon

> tere yaad main hum ne kalam uthayelea paper aur tere tasweer banyesoucha tu tha ese dil se laga kar rakhe gaymugar woh tu bachoon ko darane ke kaam aye.

> apun dono ka dosti ek dam jakkas hona mangta........> jakkas bole tu.......> apun hera tu moti......> apun sabzi tu rote.....> apun pani tu tanki......> apun tarzen tu monkey.....

> life is like math. Friend's ko plus karo,Dushman ko minus karo,khushioon ko mutriply karo,Gham ko divide karo aur hum ko yaar karo.....

> suraj bana tu badal baney...> chand bana tu tare bane......> husn bana tu dewane bane......> kuch tu baat hain aap main....> yunhi tu nahi pagal khanay bany.....

> Aey mere SMS . > mere dost ke pass jana...> agar woh so raha ho....> tu shor mat machana...> jab woh jage tu dhire se "Muskurana"..> phir kahna "kanjos" SMS karo

> We will now upgrade your brain, please wait....Searching....searching...still searching....sorry,NO BRAIN found...!

> While my friend was tapping away on his home computer, his ten-year-old daughter sneaked up behind him. Then she turned and ran into the kitchen, squealing to the rest of the family, "I know Daddy's password! I know Daddy's password!" "What is it? her sisters asked eagerly. Proudly she replied, "Asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk, asterisk!"

> Nursery school teacher says to her class, "Who can use the word 'Definitely' in a sentence?"> First a little girl says "The sky is definitely blue" Teacher says, "Sorry, Amy, but the sky can be gray, or orange..."> Second little boy..."Trees are definitely green" "Sorry, but in the autumn, the trees are brown."> Little Johnny from the back of the class stands up and asks:> "Does a fart have lumps?"> The teacher looks horrified and says..."Johnny! Of course not!!!"> "OK...then I DEFINITELY shit my pants..."

> Three guys work on a construction site. One is white, one is black and one is Polish. The bell rings for lunch and the white man opens his lunch bag and sighs deeply, saying, "If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow I'm jumping off the building." The black guy opens up his lunch, glares and says " If my wife packs me a ham sandwich again tomorrow, I'm going with you." The Polish man opens his lunch, pulls out another ham sandwich, and says "I'm with you guys."> The next day the lunch bell rings. The white man opens his lunch. He says, "Turkey sandwich. I love my wife." The black guy opens his lunch. He says, "Chicken sandwich. I love my wife. The Polish man opened his lunchbox, looked stricken, and said "HAM AGAIN! See ya guys." With that, he jumped off the building. The black guy says " I feel sorry for him." The white man replies, "I'm not, he packs his own lunch."

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees the little girl being attacked by a pit bull. He runs Over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeds in killing the dog and Saving the girls live. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's life" But I am not a New Yorker! Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: "Brave American saves a little girl's life" But I am not an American. I am Pakistani! The next day the newspapers say: "Islamic extremist kills American dog. Connections to terrorist network are possible.

> 1960 girl : Pehla phela pyaar hai chahee bahaar hai,
> aja sajna tera intzar hai. ....................> 2003 girl....................> 2003 girl : dusara/tisra pyar hai,....................> dil bekrar hai....................> aja morey payaray sajna verna chautha tayyar hai.

> Kash is eid par main tera bakra hotaAur kissi ne na sahi tu ne to mujhe pakra hota> Tu hina legey hathon sey mujhe pathey khilatiThorey thorey nahi sarey akathey khilati> Tu mujhe main main kar ke bulati Aur sham ko gali main saath ghumati> Mere pass gaari na sahi chakhra hota Kash iss eid par main tera bakra hota> Tu meri suhbat par naaz kartiBila-jhijhak mujhe aashnae-raz karti> Agar mera raqeeb mujhe chehra karataSeeng marta foran usse takar karata> Raat ko sardi main bahir akra hota Kash iss eid par main tera bakra hota> Phir eid par zibah ho jata main Teri khatir cut mar jata main> Teri muhabat ne kuch iss tarah jakra hotaKash iss eid par main tera bakra hota

> Baithe baithe kamre main kar rahi thi press> Teri yaad aayi to jal gayi dress..............!

Ladki boli:> Chandni chaand se hoti hai, sitaron se nahi,> Mohabbat ek se hoti hai, hazaaron se nahi.
Ladka bola :> Chandni agar chaand se hogi to sitaron ka kya hoga,> Mohabbat agar ek se hogi to hazaron ka kya hoga.

> Geeta Sar : - SMS kar aur bhool ja,> reply ki apeksha mat rakh, kiya hua SMS kabhi veyarth nahi > jaata Sabko apne kiye hue SMS ka reply milta hi hai!!

> Jo assani se mile wo hai gum,> jo mushkil se mile wo hai paisa,> jo kissi-kissi ko mile wo hai pyaar,> jo naseeb waloo ko mile wo hai apun ka SMS!!!

> Nazar jhuki to paimane bane,> Dil toote to maikhane bane,> kuch na kuch to zaroor hai aap mein,> yunhi nahi hum aapke dewaane bane!!!

> Har koi pyar ke liye tarapta hai,> Har koi pyar ke liye rota hai, > mere pyar ko galat mat samajna, > pyar to dosti mein bhi hota hai

> Nurse: Sardarji Mubarak Ho Aap Papa Ban Gaye!! > Sardar: Meri Wife Ko Mat Bolna Main Usse Surprise Dunga!!

> Sardar Apni Wife Ke Sath Coffee Shop Gaya, hot Coffee order Ki, Coffee > Atte Hi wife Se Bola Jaldi Jaldi pee. Wife Boli Kyu? > Sardar Bola Hot coffe Rs. 5 and Cold Coffee Rs. 10.00

> Sardarji went to party and introduced his family to his friends. > I am Sardar and this is sardarney, > this is my kid and this is my kidney.